69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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