i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
