well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
