i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
