hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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