She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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