Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
