she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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