so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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