what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
