dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
wow bdsm is so cute
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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