Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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