I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
