if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
