i think my tv is drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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