I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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