So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
