we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
