you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
