I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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