plz talk dirty to me
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
