I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
