He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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