people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
