She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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