I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
