My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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