I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Small penises have feelings too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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