Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
