neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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