there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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