She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
