I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
