dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
