Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
