Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
