You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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