Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
