Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
