I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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