You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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