HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
