Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
