I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
