So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
