I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize