I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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