are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
