i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
