we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He shit in the fireplace
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
