that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
