are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
