I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
