He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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