At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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