wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
