Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
