Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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