I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have tasted many bathrooms
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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