It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
