Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
