her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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