i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
