How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
