Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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